NINEVEH’S DIARY:
ENTRY 1,500:
So about half a fortnight ago I was talking to the sand, the wind and the moon and we were just hanging out talking about the trees behind their backs and all of the sudden, the wind was all “Hey! I heard that you were going to be preached against!” I was like “Whaaaaaaaat?!” And so he said that God told him to make a storm to throw some prophet into the ocean so he could be swallowed by a fish… or something. Anyway, this prophet was supposedly running away from coming to confront me! This prophet is scared of me! Hah! I’m glad I still terrify people. He better keep running… Anyway, he was going to come to me and tell the people here that they are going to all die and that I will be destroyed if they don’t repent of what they are doing. Whatever! I don’t see what I did wrong. I was just having a good time, and letting the people of my greatness have a good time too. They can do what they want. That’s the only way to live. Live until you die!
ENTRY 1,501:
I was talking to this fish the other day and she said that she accidentally swallowed some guy. She said she didn’t know why she did it, but then she puked him up! She didn’t even know she could puke! She just heard about some whale who did it once. Anyway she said whoever she puked up was talking inside of him about me and God. He thought he could talk behind my back and get away with it. Hah…. I have connections. When he gets here my people will tear him apart. There’s no way they will listen to this crazy guy who is going to tell us about how he got vomited up by a fish! My people know better than that. I have taught them well…
